Hope & Strength

I've always hope that thing will get better...

No matter how hard life has brought me down...

Might cry and complain and make a fuss about it...

But I've always hold on...

Lessons from the past taught me not to say words that hurt...

Especially when you're not thinking rationally...

I never say anything like that these days...

Perhaps it's coz of Karma as I keep getting those words back...

Now I guess I need to have little faith, trust and pixie dust to overcome it....

I need extra boost of strength to hold on...

Hope that everything will turn out just fine..

Now...

Any idea where to get my pixie dusts??

20131212    1.54PM

Just Love & Care

Girls like diamonds, roses, little gifts, romantic gifts....
Sometimes they are materialistic..And realistic...
Gifts.. Big or small.. Makes them happy...

Well, I'm a girl...
But in order to be happy...I don't need stuffs..
Yes, I'll be glad if people gift me things...
But that's temporary.. The happiness and satisfaction just won't last long...
I've been asking myself for a long time..

"What's the thing that I need the most?"

And I guess I had the answer..
I need affection.. To feel love.. To be cared..

I don't know.. Maybe it's the thing that I went through when I was younger..

I'm a attention seeking kid back then..

Always seek for love and words of care from parents and friends...

But it all ended up the opposite way..

Yes I've got the attention.. 

But at the same time I've got rejections, denials, words of hatred...

And I've got caned and locked away as well...

I've always been insecure...

Easily scared...

So I protected myself...

My heart has been broken.. I tried to put it back in shape..

Still there's some unfound pieces...

The already shattered heart has been sealed for a very long time...

It'll only be opened to those whom I think are trustable... But there's only 3 of them..

No more..

The key to unlock it is easy..

It doesn't need gold or platinum or diamonds...

Definitely doesn't need roses or rings or any stuffs...

All it needs is some love and affection...

A simple hug that reacts from the heart will do...

I'll tend to cry when people hugs me... 

And cry harder when I'm initially crying...

But don't worry, it's a sign of relieve...

Simply means that my broken heart is being soothed, that it feels it.. The affection..

Unfinished business that prolonged from chilhood I guess...

Sometimes I feel that I'm still like a kid...

You might tell me that I can create my own strength and value... That I can be strong on my own..

But the thing is.. I've been strong on my own for a very long time..

I just need a break in between...

Just someone there for me...

Yes.. I need someone too :(((

Who will be there when I need them most??

20131205    2.52PM

Quote Of The Day

" Of course I'll hurt you. Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."

- The Little Prince

20131020     8.48PM

累，泪

一直都是我主动说话~

一直都是我主动说想见~

一直都是我主动说想抱了~

我真的不是主动的人，那不是我的性格~

不知道.. 真的不知道为什么我会这样...

只知道在你面前我无法伪装...

可是，主动久了，会累~

我累了...

累到不想说什么...

累到不想反抗...

累到...不想在乎了...

累了，想放弃了...

放弃，能吗？

我知道你一定会说..

＂只要你开心就好，我无所谓..＂

这类的话，会让我更难过..

难过的是，你没有挽留~

难过的是，这样的话让我觉得无论我去或留，你都无所谓...

难过的是，虽然你说不是这样，但我还是觉得自己有多么不重要，多么渺小...

眼泪掉了~

不想再想了~

20131020    6.06PM

Behind That Skin

Might seems tough on the outside..
But behind that mask there's a very small heart..
That's easily frightened..
Easily broken..
The reason that I'm not dare to take that move..
Is mainly because I'm too afraid to lose..
Too afraid to experience the break of the heart again..
I just wish that this moments lasts..
Sadly, the fact won't let it just paused..
I have to move on..
So let's just move on with another stronger mask..
Strong enough to cover those scars..

='(


20131019    12.39AM

I Wanna Be The Reason You Smile. Then....

...walk into the pole.


20131018    9.47AM

Only Girls Will Understand

Bad day~~!!!!

Head spinning...

Hand shaking...

Ankle pain...

Back aching...

AND FUCKING CRAMP!!!!

It's not helping at all no matter what posture I'm in :(((((

Urghh~!!!!!

Can't I just be guy for a sec??!!!

:((((

20131016    2.57PM

A Lil Stupid Today

When it's holiday and when you have nothing to do..

That's when the brain gets mischievous..

Today I put myself in misery :((((

It's holiday and I've got no where to go and no one to hang out with..

So literally I stayed home...switching channels...surf through Youtube...draw something...waiting for somebody...

It was a really bad morning as I was waken up by noises early morning..

Well... That put me in a bad mood in the 1st place.. 

*Who'll be happy when you're forced to wake up eaaaarrrly in the morning DURING HOLIDAY??!!!*

*mad mad mad*

The main point is.. The brain is playing some tricks with me..

I know myself well and I know that my brain loves tricks, riddles, challenges, adventures, unusual stuffs...

Well... That's kinda cool..

But the uncool part is... It also likes unnecessary stuffs... Stuffs that are unwanted.. Stuffs that are meant to be forgotten...

Today, as I'm free, I was actually thinking something philosophical..

Something like "Since it's been years after those happened, will I be ok if I trace them back? Will I still be heartbroken if I am to dig them out?"

Challenge accepted and the story after that is actually stupid..

I sat there, staying still and tried to dig out those..well..things and people and emotions...

And as I do so it just felt like I'm cutting open my old scars..

Gahhhhhh~~ Buuuurn...

Yea it was stupid.. But I felt amazing how those...things...are still vivid in my memory..

I'm like watching replays throughout the process..

How I was being chased out..

How I was being slapped..

How I was being insulted...

How...........etc etc

I understand that these scars will follow me for my whole life..

Something that I can't make it fade..

All I can do is to hide them...

But I won't let them haunt me..

Coz I know that there's something bigger and better awaiting ahead..

Just... Sometimes a lil stupidity won't kill...

It did hurt... But it makes me stronger :P

Oh and thank you...

I could cry and sob really comfortably when you're around... 

Thanks~

Oh oh oh and and and....

I finished a masterpiece....

Ta daaaa!!!!!

Her name is Arrietty..

From the set of "The Borrower Arrietty" in the collection of Hayao Miyazaki..

Love this ^^

Well, that's it for tonight..

Sweet dreams ❤

20131016    2.18AM

Missing you

No idea why at all but I always miss the time that we shared..

The laughters..

The teasing...

The fights...

The hugs...

And the goodnight greetings that we shared...

Always missing you my dear friend ~~

20131013    9.17PM

Gazillion of Loves

Early morning when I surf through Facebook I found this clip which immediately touched my heart...
This kid here refused to eat his meat, and he stated his reason why:

"If we eat them, they'll die.."
"Octopus is animal, cows are animals, pigs are animals, fishes are animals, they are all animals.."
"I like to see them standing on their feet, happy..."
"We're suppose to take care of them, not eating them..."

He's right, because they'll feel pain, because they'll die..
That's why we don't take meat..
We're suppose to take care of them, not killing them..
Don't tell me that plants have lives too and we're not suppose to eat that...
Plants don't feel pain, plants don't shed tears and blood..
GOD created us human and he gave us food to survive, and these food are grains, veges, fruits...
Not animals...
Never ask me to try and eat meat again!! I'm not gonna do that even if you threaten me..

Go vegetarian, as simple as that.
A standing ovation to you kid =)
With gazillion of LOVES....

20131009   11.08Am

Them Best Friendsss

As I walk along the path..

I have no idea how many people I'll be meeting..

Or who will actually walk in and out of my life..

But as long as there's someone who is worth cherishing, I'll cherish them from the bottom of my heart..

As I always tell my students, I'm not someone who'll easily give my trust to..

Nor someone who'll easily open her heart to somebody...

But then again, when there's someone who's able to lower the guard, then yes I'll let it all out..

Perhaps I should say that so far there's only a few really rare creatures which has...Somehow really bizarre powers that are able to do so.. 

I could count them with one hand.. Hahaha...

To those whom I cherished~~~

My Spongebob...

My Piglet...

My Nobita....

I cherish the you and I love you all <3

HUGSSSSSSSS ^^

20131006    10:48PM

05.05.2013

Today is most probably the darkest day for all Malaysia citizen..
GE-13... Vote? Democracy? People's choice?
Bullshits.....

So what if people came out to vote?
So what if people travelled a thousand miles to vote for a cleaner election?
So what if people hurt and injure themselves during election day just for a better government?
So what if people died after/before voting for a brighter future for their country?

You!!
So called leaders of the country..
Playing tricks in front of the people..
By asking foreigners to vote for you...
By registering voters who are not eligible to vote, voters who's already dead a hundred years ago...
And now that you are losing..
You again play other tricks in front of the people...
Who were there witness the "miracle" and the "magical tricks" that you're playing..
Who immediately trying to stop those "miracles" from happening and were being threaten...
Not by others but by police force!!
And you call this election fair and transparent??!!!

Yes, you may be winning the game..
But you see, you lose everyone's heart!!!
Me, as a Malaysia citizen, felt and is feeling guilty because I did not fulfill my responsibility to cast a vote..
But now, other than guilt, I'm frustrated, sad and heartbroken..
To see all these obvious corruptions that are playing in front of the people's eyes and yet we can do nothing to stop it...
To see the future of our beloved country vanished....

But we won't lose hope...
As long as we're the citizen of Malaysia...
We will fight for our country's future!!
For a clean election!!
For democracy!!!

May Malaysia be safe from BN~~
Amen...

20130506. 1.33AM

Learning From Nature

Wheat...
The fuller it gets, the more it bends...

Are we being humble when we know more?
When we know better than anybody else, do we empower others? Or get along and help them?
What this small lil thing taught us is,
When we are well educated,
When we know best,
When we become richer/the richest,
When we have everything that we want, that other people ever wanted in this world...
Are we still humble?
Do we treat everyone the same?
To me, power/fame/status isn't everything...
The more you have but the more egoistic you are, people will leave you...
However, the more you have but the more approachable you are, people will like you and supports you...
Even willing to sacrifice for you...

Let's travel back to history..
Don't you realize that kings/emperors who are mean and selfish will die alone without any care from the people?
While rulers who are caring and humble, owned the love from the people, some even willing to sacrifice themselves...

When we have the power...
What I think we should do is to use that advantage to help the weaker ones..
When we have the knowledge...
What I think we should is to share what we learn to those who can't afford to learn, educate them...
When we have the money...
What I think we should do is to help the poors, and those who are in need...

There is this Chinese sayings, which is "一样米养百种人"..
Which means all wheat are the same, but the same wheat raises people from all over the world...
It's the second things that it teaches us...
Treat everyone fairly and equally...
We are all standing on the same land..
If Mother Earth never discriminate us human, who are the ones destroying its beauty...
Then why should we discriminate or look down at others? Even animals...

That's what wheat taught me..
I'm only learning from nature =)

20130427    12.52AM

Emotional Night Blogging

I might be like "Whatever" or "Nahh, I don't care much" at times..

But during days or nights like this when I'm thinking a lil too much and cause myself emotion attacks.. (<-- SUCKS!!)

I do wish that there will be a wide and warm shoulders for me to lean on..
Arms that could hold me tight and tell me
"I'm here with you, everything will be just fine"...

Owwhhhh sucks~~~~~ :'(

20130417 12.42AM

With You by Leah Dou

Song sang by Faye Wong's daughter..
She definitely inherited her mother's gene..
Talented girl that's gonna shine bright in the future..
Loving this song ^^
Support!!





There isn't a minute I would spend without you
There isn't a moment I can breath without you
Every piece of my heart belongs to you
Nothing can stop us now

I walked in with a smile on my face
Coz seeing you makes me feel living grace
So I need to tell you right, right now something

I know you scared of what the future holds
Don't get me wrong coz I do too
But right now I can tell you
You don't have to fear


Coz you and I are like the leaves and flower
Without you I can't live for an hour
I say you're crazy 
But I know that it's true
That if there was a forever I'm spending with you

With you~~~

You say "you're down, what's on your mind?"
I say "nothing but I'm hypnotized"
But would this moment last forever, foreverI know you scared of what the future holds
Don't get me wrong coz I do too
But right now I can tell you
You don't have to fear

Coz you and I are like the leaves and flower
Without you I can't live for an hour
I say you're crazy 
but I know that it's true
that if there was a forever I'm spending with you

With you~~~

20130228    12.48AM

To Blog

To blog
Is to share my deepest thoughts to everyone...

To blog
Is to realize what I had done and how will my deeds affect my life as well as my personality...

To blog
Is to understand myself, what am I thinking, what am I doing, what are my values in life...

To blog
Is to express myself, not to seek sympathy from anyone, neither is empathy, but to explore as well as improve my own quality of life...

To blog
Is a very good channel to find myself and to share my thoughts..
Exploration is done through writing and from there I search for my values..
So why no blogging? ^^

20130226    11.21PM

Dark Side

Yes, nobody is actually perfect.
When you love somebody you accept everything of him/her.
Maybe at the beginning you won't see the dark side of theirs, coz who'd wanna show you their dark side?
But soon you study your love ones and realize their dark side, will you still love them?

This song made me tear as it made me think of the past.
But past is past, now I'm looking at the future.
I believe that I had become a better me, and I still can become an even better me.
Enjoy the song.

Lyrics:

Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll stay

20130226    8.18PM